So then. It's 2009. January of 2009, to be more precise. (January 1, 2009 to be even more precise, but that level of precision doesn't mean much for the topic at hand.) This means that it has been one year since I started.

Even as an adorable, stupid Mormon child I knew I wanted to do this. I had always wanted to start and then stop, not only to find out what it was actually like, but also to prove to myself that I could do something that many other people could not do. The idea of it has always disgusted me (and even still does), but that hasn't changed my gradual love for it. I hate love, by the way.

And don't get me wrong. I'm not stupid. I'll never pretend I know everything, about anything, though. Depending on my mood, I might not even pretend to know anything. About anything. But again, I know I'm not stupid, and if you're reading this I can assume you're vaguely familiar with that concept as well. I know this could kill me. I know, even after my commitment, it still could kill me. Only time will tell, as it will with most things.

I don't blame anyone, of course. Not even you, Battlestar Galactica, and your intense sexification of it. Nor those who got me started. Nor anyone who enabled me or helped me continue. Nor the people that stood by and watched me, either too afraid or apathetic to say anything. There's really no blame one way or another - It's something I wanted to do.

But I've reached the goalie, one last point to win, the final challenge on a relatively short journey. And I want some Chinese food to help me along. But I digress. I've gotten to where I am, intentionally, and the last step is to leave it behind. And I will leave it behind.

Which is not to say it interfered with my life to a significant degree or anything. Monetarily, socially, health-wise... nothing. It has all been part of the overall goal. Well okay, I guess it occasionally caused some minor physical and social irritation, but that's the extent of it. And it's not like I ever did it to any astonishing degree. With a max of 10 and an average of 4 or 5 on any given day, I've obviously kept it pretty well under control. I'm almost worried that the solution is going to be worse than the disease, because it is neither cheap nor entirely freeing.

I know, this post is arbitrarily long... I mostly just wanted to type a lot because I don't do that so much anymore
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Heh ɥɔʇɐH @ 2:08
or IM conversations 2:08
But I honestly don't think those count toward writing. 2:08

And yeah, already longing. The desire goes up unevenly with the degree to which one loses inhibition due to imbibing alcohol. But I'll control it easily for now.

Yeah. I made you read all of that (assuming you aren't Robert, who simply skips to the last sentence) to let you know that I've quit smoking after a year-long, sincere test-run. Now you're in the loop too.